How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
