Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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