Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
