His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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