so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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