Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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