giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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