is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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