Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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