found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
