I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
