Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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