i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
