It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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