my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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