His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
