All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
