piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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