I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
