Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
