she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
