That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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