its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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