Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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