he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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