They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
