Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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