i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
