in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
