chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
