True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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