nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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