I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My feet surprised me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize