two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize