Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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