God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
