Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
