so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
