What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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