Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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