Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
