margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
