Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
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you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
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Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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