beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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