I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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