Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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