I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
His nipple licking is glorious
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