dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
