his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
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I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
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im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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