Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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