i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
