i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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