Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
