So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
