he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
