RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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