It's Friday. Sex?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
