we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
