i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
