using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
