Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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