My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
