After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
