Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
