You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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