Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
