just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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