Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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