I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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