Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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