Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
