Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
