turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
