That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize