How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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