Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you win again, gameday.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
