How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
