He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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