i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
BRING THE BAGELS
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
