Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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