i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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